Sir Isaac Newton, upon watching a large crowd of peasants pointlessly measure the duration of a speech about wheel rods, announced with ridicule – “mass-timed axel oration equals farce!”
Why does it not matter when Germans scratch their butts?
Because ass-itch in time saves nein.
What did Philip II of Macedon say when his son refused to give up the cheese-slicer to the maid?
“Alex, hand her the grate!”
Why should you face death by firing squad instead of running a marathon?
Because it’s better to be strafed than sore-kneed.
Q. Would your father rather tend to his marijuana grow-op, or sing children’s songs?
A. Pop hoes the weed soil.
Why does rubbing your hair with vinegar give you head lice?
Because he who acetates is loused.