As a stumbling drunk threw up all over my garden one night I looked up at the sky and whispered, ‘This is truly heavin’ on earth.”
Whenever I leave the country people say I emigrate guy.
Hear about the cannibal at the farm who wanted to eat his boss, but really had to pee?
In the end he chews the farmer over the bladder.
The skin clinic’s online presence finally returned after a period of reconstruction. The dermatologist congratulated the webmaster, saying “Well this is a site for psoriasis!”
Why did Moses think it was a mistake for his brother to worship beneath the leg of the Golden Calf?
Because he was Aaron on the side of cow-shin.
When it comes to Facebook, the best defriends is a good offense.
Is it true Dutch people get aroused when visiting Scotland?
Yes, they’re like clogs in heath!
How does a short-order cook wish you good luck?
“Break an egg!”
Russian dictators are the best. They’re the crème de la Kremlin.
Did you hear George Michael jumped ship to join a hair-metal band? It’s like Wham! to the Slaughter.