My garden came up crooked. It’s true what they say about the best laid plants…
I hate watering the lawn. It really irrigates me.
Anyone who plants a tree is in for a root awakening.
As a stumbling drunk threw up all over my garden one night I looked up at the sky and whispered, ‘This is truly heavin’ on earth.”
Gardeners use touch-green technology.
I am comforted by porcelain gnomes. In a way they’re like my garden angels.
My old gardener was so mean to me, so I told him to go back to school. Now he’s a kinder gartener.
I went to a horticultural conference and they said ‘Please be seeded.’
Weeding is a high-growth industry, but it started as a grasp roots movement. It took a hunch and a good amount of pluck, but now it has people all over the earth on their knees – and they really dig it.
If you leave your thickets unattended I’ll have to cull the copse on you.