When the saviour of Nottingham Forest got an honourary degree from Oxford, he had to wear a robe and hood.
Why did Einstein never stop at a single beer?
Because he was obsessed with re-ale-itivity!
What did Philip II of Macedon say when his son refused to give up the cheese-slicer to the maid?
“Alex, hand her the grate!”
What did Archimedes’ wife say to him before he took his bath?
Which famous playwright made fruit smoothies?
Why did the Italian dictator attack his son’s babysitter and take her wallet?
Because he wanted to be seen behaving mug-nanny-Mussolini! (magnanimously – needs to be read aloud)
What book did Mr. Darwin pen after a wayward finch pooped on his head?
The Origin of the Feces!
Which famous Russian would not have approved of Vladimir? Rasputin.
Social network for dead presidents: Lincoln.