Sir Isaac Newton, upon watching a large crowd of peasants pointlessly measure the duration of a speech about wheel rods, announced with ridicule – “mass-timed axel oration equals farce!”
What did Philip II of Macedon say when his son refused to give up the cheese-slicer to the maid?
“Alex, hand her the grate!”
When the saviour of Nottingham Forest got an honourary degree from Oxford, he had to wear a robe and hood.
When Napoleon came to New England, it was quite the spectacle; the people were so excited that they would pay admission even to watch him break wind! In Bangor in particular, the French Emperor’s farting was considered the Maine vent.
When Sir Edmund Hillary got a chance to pitch in a baseball match, he fell asleep at the rubber. He must have thought it was Mound Have-a-Rest!
Why did Einstein never stop at a single beer?
Because he was obsessed with re-ale-itivity!
Which famous playwright made fruit smoothies?
What did Archimedes’ wife say to him before he took his bath?
Which famous Russian would not have approved of Vladimir? Rasputin.
Social network for dead presidents: Lincoln.