Andrew from Dugald:
One of the problems that Dr. Livingstone had in Africa was rampant diarrhea; he was often inContinent.
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(Rate This Pun)Loading...Frank from Eldorado:
What would you call the second jewel in the crown of horse races if it was run by genetically deformed horses?
Freakness.
A really old guy was lasciviously staring and gawking at comely young lady for the longest time. Suddenly, he walked over to her, loudly broke wind and touched her on the derriere in a rather inappropriate way. Later, when the young lady described the incident she said of the old guy:
“He was a gazer, gasser, gooser geezer.”
Franks says, “The second is not a pun, but I send it anyways. I dreamt it up on a long drive on I69 in Indiana… P.S. apologies for the word ‘lure in the boll weevil pun. Perhaps ‘ruse’ would have been better?”
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
In a modern war, the Vatican army wouldn’t stand a chance…their soldiers would just be Canon Father. Though, it might help if they started deacon left and right.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
I was hiking in the valley of a thousand hills, and while I knew there might be a few dropoffs, I took a nasty tumble over a small cliff. A little knoll edge can be a dangerous thing.
Favorite pastime at the nudist club? Playing tittely dinks.
This new exercise regime is going very well for me….yep, everything is just ticketai-bo.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
This fellow tried to bluff his way into the orchestra pit, but he was just sym-phony. When they closed down the opera house, they barded up the windows and put a “Restricted Aria“ sign on the door.
Does a classical music store offer “one stop Chopin?”
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Frank from Eldorado:
A cotton farmer in the South was plagued by boll weevils ruining his crop. No matter what he tried, it failed. Finally, someone suggested he’d trap the little beasts with honey, and lo and behold it worked! All the boll weevils descended on the honey dish, got stuck, died and so the cotton crop was saved. What is the summary of this story?
Honey is the lure of boll weevils.
Also:
A golf club offered, as a prize to anyone scoring a hole in one, a Scandinavian vacation, including a game of golf with a famous local golf professional. When a winner emerged, he declared: “There is Norway I would choose any other golf pro to play with than Annika Sorenstam. Finnish discussion! Playing with her would be real Swede.”
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Here are the results from the ‘Ancient Greece’ session held in the new Punpal forums!
Our gnuest topic is Astronomy. You have til June 15 to post original puns on this exciting theme. Come back next week to see the jokes posted here in Punpals. Now join the forum and get punnin’!
Ancient Greece puns (vote for your faves in the comment box):
Pun Gent Rhain:
The ancient Greeks broke bread with the Indians at the Part the Naan.
Pun Gent Pat:
Who had the foulest mouth in ancient Greece? Sparta-cuss!
If the Alexander’s father wore a heavy weighted chained ball into battle would that make him Philip of mace don?
Who charged interest on borrowed hosiery? Soc rates.
Did one-legged prostitutes compete in the Holimpics?
Andrew from Dugald:
I always thought Greek swimmers wore Marathongs.
Calvin from Edmonton:
Which Greek goddess experimented with big hair in the 70’s? Afro-dite.
Why did Archimedes take a bath? Because his wife said, “You reek-a!“
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Dugald Super Blowout!
Andrew from Dugald, MB:
When a specialist in children’s medicine scores 3 goals for the hospital hockey team, does he become a doctor of pedi-hatrix?
A kindergarten teacher in Annapolis was fired for running his students through military style initiation rituals. He who hazes tots is tossed.
As a group, the physics professors who deal in chaos theory are the first to donate time and money to worthy causes – they are true philentropists. Next are the nuclear profs; they always have a Candu attitude and their motto is: “up and atom!”
A lonely princess wondered if she would ever find someone to rescue her from her high tower. Then one evening, she was getting a gown from her gilded wardrobe cabinet and she discovered a large salamander. “What have we here?” she said aloud. Imagine her surprise when the creature answered, “but, my Lady, I thought you needed a newt in shining armoire!”
What Jane Austen book deals with a poor English girl who faints whenever she goes to a Catholic church? “Incense and Insensibility“
The textbook on how to play X’s and O’s including strategy on how to beat the clock is called: “Didactic Tic-Tac-Toe Tic-Toc Tactics“
Andrew says “The last one’s just fun with words; tic-tac anyone?
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
Which Star Wars character likes to can preserves, especially cherry jelly?
Jar Jar Byngks.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Frank from Eldorado:
How do you recognize a law-abiding frog?
It always does what it is toad.
The next one is with apologies to the late, great Dean Martin:
Two guys were replacing a broken window pane. One said to the other,
“Do you need any putty?” The other guy replied, “Everyputty needs some putty sometimes.”
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