SOFT-WHERE?

Dear Pungents, a coworker of mine is stuck in Vancouver waiting to test a software project which – because of our supervisor – is months past due and doesn’t seem to be coming along. What can he say to our boss to get his ass moving on the project? ~ Eric, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “You’re moving slower than my programma!”

2) “Is this beta-testing or wait-a-testing?”

3) “This software delay is an unbearable wait on my folders!”

4) “If you ever leave this job, you can put on your resume that you were a ‘computer notwork supervisor’.”

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HI-SPEED CONNECTION

Dear Pungents, I share a computer at home with my husband. We are constantly having major races after dinner to see who can reach the computer first to check email, chat with overseas friends on msn, etc. What can I say to petrify him in his tracks so I can win the next race? ~ Preciso Hooch, Cayman Islands

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Stop! The computer can’t be trusted: it’s see-pee-you watches when we’re in the bathroom!”

2) “I beat you because you’re so slow – you’re only moving at 16x!”

3) “In these days of political correctness, it’s only natural that the woman should take advantage of the PC!”

4) “I’ll RAM you! I’ll dish out the mega-hurts! I’ll make you re-pentium! You’ve got the ROM idea, buster; I’m a much better athlon!”

5) “Let me use messenger, or I’ll become your m-s-n-emesis!”

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