Capital Cities – Europe! – Geography Puns

Should tourists visit the French capital alone or in paris?

Avoid perverts in the Swedish capital – they’ll Stock you holm.

Wear flame-retardant clothing in Switzerland – you don’t want to get Berne-d.

If you take your dustbuster to Iceland it will be destroyed – especially in Reckyervac.

Is Ireland experiencing exponential growth? Yes, everything’s Dublin!

Bring your ID to the Welsh nightclub – you might get cardiff at the door.

Which Polish city witnessed calamity? War saw.

The Finnish capital reeks of sulphur and brimstone – that’s why they call it Hellstinki.

There’s quite a ‘don’t care’ attitude in Greece. If something goes wrong the locals shrug and say ‘Shit athens.’

It’s difficult to play a clean game of hockey in Croatia, because of ‘za-clutch and za-greb.’

Why such suffering among Sarajevan viticulturists? Because in Bosnia it Herz-to-grow-vineyards.

Don’t bother voting in Latvia – the elections are riga’d!

Why does Superman avoid Lithuania? Because Lex Luthor’s there, and he’s vil’nius (villainous).

I met a saucy lass in Belarus – she was quite the Minsk!

Yuschenko’s victory in the Ukraine was a Kiev-ent.

Slovenia’s entry into the EU was a cause for Ljubiljation.

I don’t mind when Yugoslavians mark on a curve – but others do resent the Belgrade.

Lovers are loudest in Moanaco.

Where do bears go in Norway? Urslo!

In the Macedonian version of Star Trek, Captain Kirk says “Beam me up, Skopje!

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Capital Cities – East Asia (+ ex-Soviet republics)! – Geography Puns

Where in Japan are they always high? In Tokeyo

Geographically ignorant Bangladeshis are like Bostonians lost in a parking lot – they’re always asking, “where’s Dacca?”

It’s funny they don’t eat beef in India – especially considering the size of their New Delhi.

Frontal nudity in Thailand? Not in Ban’kok.

Is the sky blackening over the Chinese capital? No but it’s beiging (Beijing).

What do you call a Mongolian who gets hit by a pitch? A yowlaan batur.

Which Indonesian city is avant-garde? Shock-arta.

Where in Malaysia did they hide the 101 dalmatians? In Cruella Lampur.

A Filipino’s dilemma: strawberry, chocolate, or Manila?

The Korean conflict is quite spiritual – because without the South, the Northerners have no Seoul.

In the North Korean capital do the older syndicates run the streets – or is it the pyoung ygangs?

What would Sri Lankans call legendary bluesman Diddley? They’d Colom Bo.

The phood in Phnom Penh? It’s Phnomenhal!

I need a thimphu before I can sew my bhutan.

Who explores caves in Myanmar? The Rangoonies!

The heat in Azerbaijan will Baku
or
Or, what Drago said to Rocky in Azerbaijan: “I will Baku.”

Some can’t stand all the tourists in the Vietnam capital. This is understandable, as they do tend to Hanoi.

Which personality dominates Taiwan? Taipei.

Which parties in Nepal feature both human and feline guests? The Kat-Man-Dos.

When does a Pakistani rely on his alpaca? When ‘is llama’s bad.

Turkemenistan’s a forgiving place – you can never Ashkhabad question.

Kazakh graduates generously donate to their Alma-Ata.

Kicked in the nuts in Krygyzstan? What is this – Bishkek or bash cock?

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Capital Cities – Americas, Africa, Oceania, Middle East and more! – Geography Puns

Which Kenyan city is mechanized? Nairobo

Why did the arsonist move to Egypt? Because he was a Cairo-maniac!

Which South American capital has the most ridiculous support undergarments? Brasillia

Is it good to be clean-shaven in Argentina? Not in Buenos Haires!

Who did the Chileans send to betray the Moor of Venice? They Santiago.

Where do Colombians ‘get down’? In Boog-otà!

I didn’t enjoy spending an extra year in the Peruvian capital – it was so anti-Limactic.

Is Ecuador a fair place? Yes, it’s eQuitoble.

Why do Syrians not suck up to George W.? Because that would be a dumbass-kiss.

Where do Iraqis tend to boast? In Braghdad!

How a Saudi inquires about a classified notice: “Riy your adh…”

I thought the guy from the small Arab country would be Bahrain, but actually he’s the Manama dreams!

The Carribean mafia has the Haitian royal family in its pocket – especially around PortoPrince.

Where in Bolivia are the raciest strip joints? Lap-ass.

Did ancient lizards once rule Persia? Yes, the fearsome Tehrannosaurs.

How does everyone react to stupidity in Algeria? They Al Giers.

How do you subdue an Israeli bandit? Jerusalem to the ground.

How to get to the Lebanese capital? Well since it’s on the water I’d just take the Bei rut.

The nonplussed food critic dismissed cuisine in the Libyan capital as “tripe, oily

Gender equality in the MidEast? Let me tell you – in the Kingdom of Jordan, a woman is a woman and Amman is Amman.

Albanians are fleeing the country, because their government is Tirana-cal.

Person1: My friends love to visit small European republics: Bob is in Liechtenstein, Ned’s in San Marino…
Person2: And Dora?

Should I buy a hatchback in the Armenian capital? Not if Yerevan person.

Person1: “Did you hear about terrorism cells in the Carribean Islands?”
Person2: “Bah – Hamas? That’s Nassau-ing to worry about.”

Shopping list in Belize: “Bell, Mop, Pan.”

Porto-Novo? I’ve never Benin a nicer town.

What do Burkina Fasans say to babies? “Ouagadougou!”

When Elmer Fudd was abandoned in the capital of the Central African Republic he became berry Bangui!

Tired of the conversation in most African cities? Then go to Ndjamena to have a nice Chad.

Brazzaville: ie answer to the question “After climbing the Empire State Building, where did Kongo?”

I arrived in the Comoros capital unable to speak a word of the language, and I left months later feeling just as Moroni-c!

I couldn’t get a job in the Venezuelan capital — my résumé just fell through the Caracas.

What do they eat for breakfast in St. Lucia? Assorted Castries.

Don’t drive in Senegal — you may get held up in Dakar.

What’s the nemesis of a Swaziland business student? Mba-bane.

Media experts say the conflict in Sudan is a product of Khartoum violence.

When Larry and Curly lost footwear in Somalia, they said to Moe “gad i shu?”

There’s no Honaria among thieves in the Solomon Islands.

Hockey star Sittler lost his processed meat in Tanzania. So be on the lookout for Darel’s Salaami.

The most popular movie in Morocco — ‘Who Framed Roger Rabat?’

Cinephiles in Palau love Koror pics.

What was the weapon of choice in 18th-century Oman? The Muscat.

I thought Paraguay was 100 percent French speaking, but I guess I shouldn’t make such a faulty Asuncion.

‘Iceman’ couldn’t take the heat in Nicaragua – he melted, and became ‘Man-agua’.

The best jokes about bakers are made in Qatar – they really know their Doha.

Flying pigs in Yemen? The In-Sana-ty!

All of the sudden a shark attacked me in Mali – talk about ‘BAM, Mako!’

Bestselling car in Lesotho? The Maseru-ti!

The most popular jazz artist in New Zealand? Duke Wellington.

Religious Ugandan families can send their kids to Kampallah.

Where do Tunisians get their online music? From iTunis.

The Rwandan ref had to stop the Rumble in the Jungle when Foreman tried to Kigali.

What sex manual do they use in the Ivory Coast? The Yama ssoukro.

I just couldn’t stop fishing in St. Christopher and Nevis — I was on a real Bass-terre!

During an aerial approach the capital of Western Samon just tends to Apia out of the clouds.

The political scandals in Zimbabwe — it’s just Hararibble.

In the fifties Zambian teenagers would often dance at a Lusakap.

Do they watch internet porn in Dijibouti?

The harbour in Trinidad and Tobago is quite dangerous – they’ve taken to calling it Port-of-Sprain.

If someone angers you in Guinea-Bissau, tell them to Bissauf.

Where does one find a lover in Surinam? In Paramouribo.

Stay with your friend Nick in Cyprus – specially if Nicosia.

Eritreans have spots on their butts — especially in As-mara.

Prof to student in Equatorial Guinea: “Come by ma-labo.”

Do you greet your friend with tongue in the Federated States of Micronesia? You do if you’re in Palikir.

What did Rocky scream to his true love when he was in the capital of the Western Sahara? “el-audrian!”

Which town in Kuwait postponed the revolution? Coup-wait city!

Why won’t Madagascar get Italian satellite TV? Because the Antenna n’arrivo.

How do Mozambique sugar daddies indicate their ‘biotches’? “Look, ma puto!”

If you don’t marinate your steak in the landlocked Italian Republic, it will be sans marino.

Fights broke out at the construction site of the great canal — there was a lot of panamacity.

Fidel asked in vain where the Rubix was – Each advisor just shrugged and said, “I Havana Cube.

Do Costa Rican women wear stockings? Not in Sans Hosé.

Where in Gabon are French books banned? In Libre vile.

West African country lyric: “Things were Accra-monious at the time/but I missed her when she was Ghana.”

In Fiji be sure to pick up a Suva-nir.

Did you get all the trading cards from the Central American Republic? Yes I Guatemala.

There’s no lack of New Guinean after-dinner wine in Port More-sby.

Saliva travels far in Namibia – especially in Wind-Hoerk.

Will I get action or no action in Mauritania? Nouakchoot.

In Angola they’ve invented a car that runs on the driver’s urine – It’s sold in Loo-Honda.

Did you take the shortcut to Malawi? No, Lilongwe!

Where do you find frozen Mexicans? In Mexicle City!

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