Military Puns

Ditch-diggers often make trenchant remarks.

The stupidest branch of the military? The Knavy.

Which soldiers are good at killing knights? The off-a-sirs!

Did you hear Bush ordered the cast of Cats to go to Iraq? Yes, he sent in the troupes!

The favoured weapon of Egyptian army is the Ptolemy gun (tommy gun).

The Grim Reaper would often seek out French Navy Seals, in the Phoque-Souls (foxholes).

Why should you never trust the military police? Because they’re full of MP promises!

Are they afraid of dead mice in the Murine Corpse?

Don’t be offended if a cavalry officer doesn’t say tanks.

Which pilots feel guilty whenever they get erections? Those who fly fie-turgids (fighter jets).

Can you believe General Schwarzkopf has found religion? Who, Stormin’ Mormon?

The Army will arrest you if you make fun of an officer after dark. It’s known as a nocturnal diss-charge.

When I accidentally shot myself in the crotch with a bazooka I felt quite mortarfied.

If you want to learn about Iraqi war tactics it will require some advanced university scuddies.

Are those who get attacked by flamethrowing midgets suffering small arms fire? (POW)

Do they only allow sleazy females in the cadettes?

It’s an army of bloodsuckers, aka the Leechin’ of Doom!

Are soldiers on cowback known as a calf-alry?

I had some pretty crazy Scottish relatives in the army. You know – ‘Uncle Sam wants ewe’.

The helicopter crashed after receiving many bullet holes and would need repairs. It was Apache.

Some soldiers get so depressed that the only way to make them smile is to toss them a grin-aid.

I have a lot of questions about operating this howitzer.

How does a soldier catch a wolf? He uses his bayin’ net.

The iron-welder joined the military, because he felt it was his duty to solder in the army.

No one could strike fear into the hearts of the enemy quite like the Zulu Worriers.

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