May, 2005 - Pun Gents :: Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Business Slogans :: Team Names :: Punshine Girls and Boys!

01/23/201005/10/2005

Frank from Eldorado:

says, “with apologies to Mary Poppins”

The restaurant reviewer of the local paper was assigned to check out a highly touted new soup on the menu of the editor’s favourite restaurant, with instruction to come back immediately after sampling the soup and report in person. When the reporter finished his meal, he went to see the editor, but as soon as he opened his mouth, the editor recoiled, saying: “Phew, you have bad breath!!”, to which the reporter replied:

“Soup of cauli flower does stink, accept halitosis!“

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01/23/201005/10/2005

Frank from Eldorado:

says, “with apologies to Mary Poppins”

“Soup of cauli flower does stink, accept halitosis!“

(Rate This Pun)

LOSIN’ MY SCHOOL

01/25/201005/09/2005

Dear Pungents, Help! I am an elementary school teacher, and one of my students keeps whining that she is bored; I’ve used up all my comebacks in the last 8 months teaching her. Please give me some puns so I can make it to the end of June!

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Bored? I’ll show you board! [then you hand her a wooden board] Now wooden you like to work?”

2) “Like some cheese with your whine?”

3) “Here, look in this carton [you hand her carton of eggs] – egg-sight ment!”

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01/23/201005/09/2005

Andrew from Dugald, MB:
What famous playwright gave it all up to buy a cattle ranch in Montana, dotted with grassy hills? Knoll Cow-herd.

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01/23/201005/09/2005

Andrew from Dugald, MB:
What famous playwright gave it all up to buy a cattle ranch in Montana, dotted with grassy hills? Knoll Cow-herd.

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DANCE IN YOUR PANTS

01/25/201005/08/2005

Dear Pungents, this is a shameless plug for the spectacular show we’re working on. Dancemakers is celebrating its 30th anniversary, and yet it is tougher than overcooked cow heart to open people’s minds and get them out to see contemporary dance. Can you spare a few puns that will show how much COOLER contemporary dance is than some horse show or clown workshop? ~Loretta, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Hey Toronto, stressed out? Then come to Dance-Show Relaxo!” (for Toronto audiences who know Rancho Relaxo)

OR-

2) “Dancemakers = Pant-shakers – we get you moving.”

ALSO

3) “Has working all week like a mindless insect made you angry as a Klingon warlord? Then Khan-tempered harried ants (contemporary dance) is just the thing for you.” (a tad convoluted?)

4) “Metaphor Moses never met a more faux sis? Ovid’s Metamorphoses, from Dancemakers: twisting tongues, arms, legs and minds together for over 30 years.”

5) “At our spectacle, (ex)spect tickles!”

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01/23/201005/08/2005

Frank from Eldorado:
Where do young elephants live when they leave home and attend college?
In a pachydorm.

AND

What fee do lawyers charge the group U2 for legal work?
None. They do it pro Bono.

Frank says, “The second one is so obvious, someone must have zinged an unsuspecting
world with it already, but I swear I just thought it up independently.“

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/08/2005

Frank from Eldorado:
Where do young elephants live when they leave home and attend college?
In a pachydorm.

AND

What fee do lawyers charge the group U2 for legal work?
None. They do it pro Bono.

Frank says, “The second one is so obvious, someone must have zinged an unsuspecting
world with it already, but I swear I just thought it up independently.“

(Rate This Pun)

01/23/201005/07/2005

Calvin from Edmonton:

Calvin says, “A while back someone submitted a good one on Thessalonious Monk. I thought up a few more on jazz artists and thought it might inspire you to do a themed series on musicians/composers etc. btw, I love your site, if that isn’t already obvious to you.”

Q. Why was the jazz fan excited about seeing home movies of his favourite singer’s first year of life?
A. He wanted to see Diana crawl.

Avian jazz pianist from the Far East? Chick Korea.

What they said when people tried to match up a premier jazz vocalist of the mid-20th century with U.S. President Ford: “Ella fits Gerald.”

Did you know that Don Harron’s alter-ego is related to a bop alto-saxophonist who gained fame in the ’40s and ’50s? He’s Charlie Parker’s son.

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01/23/201005/07/2005

Calvin from Edmonton:

Q. Why was the jazz fan excited about seeing home movies of his favourite singer’s first year of life?
A. He wanted to see Diana crawl.

Avian jazz pianist from the Far East? Chick Korea.

What they said when people tried to match up a premier jazz vocalist of the mid-20th century with U.S. President Ford: “Ella fits Gerald.”

Did you know that Don Harron’s alter-ego is related to a bop alto-saxophonist who gained fame in the ’40s and ’50s? He’s Charlie Parker’s son.

(Rate This Pun)