Frank from Eldorado:
A cotton farmer in the South was plagued by boll weevils ruining his crop. No matter what he tried, it failed. Finally, someone suggested he’d trap the little beasts with honey, and lo and behold it worked! All the boll weevils descended on the honey dish, got stuck, died and so the cotton crop was saved. What is the summary of this story?

Honey is the lure of boll weevils.

Also:

A golf club offered, as a prize to anyone scoring a hole in one, a Scandinavian vacation, including a game of golf with a famous local golf professional. When a winner emerged, he declared: “There is Norway I would choose any other golf pro to play with than Annika Sorenstam. Finnish discussion! Playing with her would be real Swede.”

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Here are the results from the ‘Ancient Greece’ session held in the new Punpal forums!

Our gnuest topic is Astronomy. You have til June 15 to post original puns on this exciting theme. Come back next week to see the jokes posted here in Punpals. Now join the forum and get punnin’!

Ancient Greece puns (vote for your faves in the comment box):

Pun Gent Rhain:
The ancient Greeks broke bread with the Indians at the Part the Naan.

Pun Gent Pat:
Who had the foulest mouth in ancient Greece? Sparta-cuss!
If the Alexander’s father wore a heavy weighted chained ball into battle would that make him Philip of mace don?
Who charged interest on borrowed hosiery? Soc rates.
Did one-legged prostitutes compete in the Holimpics?

Andrew from Dugald:
I always thought Greek swimmers wore Marathongs.

Calvin from Edmonton:
Which Greek goddess experimented with big hair in the 70’s? Afro-dite.
Why did Archimedes take a bath? Because his wife said, “You reek-a!“

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Dugald Super Blowout!

Andrew from Dugald, MB:
When a specialist in children’s medicine scores 3 goals for the hospital hockey team, does he become a doctor of pedi-hatrix?

A kindergarten teacher in Annapolis was fired for running his students through military style initiation rituals. He who hazes tots is tossed.

As a group, the physics professors who deal in chaos theory are the first to donate time and money to worthy causes – they are true philentropists. Next are the nuclear profs; they always have a Candu attitude and their motto is: “up and atom!”

A lonely princess wondered if she would ever find someone to rescue her from her high tower. Then one evening, she was getting a gown from her gilded wardrobe cabinet and she discovered a large salamander. “What have we here?” she said aloud. Imagine her surprise when the creature answered, “but, my Lady, I thought you needed a newt in shining armoire!”

What Jane Austen book deals with a poor English girl who faints whenever she goes to a Catholic church? “Incense and Insensibility“

The textbook on how to play X’s and O’s including strategy on how to beat the clock is called: “Didactic Tic-Tac-Toe Tic-Toc Tactics“

Andrew says “The last one’s just fun with words; tic-tac anyone?

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Andrew from Dugald:
Which Star Wars character likes to can preserves, especially cherry jelly?
Jar Jar Byngks.

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Frank from Eldorado:
How do you recognize a law-abiding frog?
It always does what it is toad.

The next one is with apologies to the late, great Dean Martin:
Two guys were replacing a broken window pane. One said to the other,
“Do you need any putty?” The other guy replied, “Everyputty needs some putty sometimes.”

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Frank from Eldorado:
When is reading the rules and laws of a game a happy, noisy and boisterous activity?
When it’s the rules and laws of basketball: ie hoop la!

A terrorist travelling toward his destination on the weekend had to make an overnight rest stop. The desk clerk at the motel told him that, since business was slow, he could take advantage of the Monday night rate. The terrorist declined saying: “No need! Got nitrate in trunk!”

What do you call an unhealthy pachyderm?
A sychophant.

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Andrew from Dugald:
Who invented the first flat pick-up truck box cover?
That’s what I’d like Tonneau.

While lots of people will wager on horse racing, no one does on the equestrian events…. I guess they don’t like gambolling on show jumpers.

When pharmacists get drafted into the military, are they armed with mortar and pistol?

Andrew says, “I’m such a pill.”

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Calvin from Edmonton:
A ghost in a cemetery is a grave sight.
A misspelled epitaph is a grave error.

Calvin says, “I know, the second is a p.o.w. not a pun, but the two make a nice couplet. And I actually like the second one better. I guess it’s just gravy. Hmmm, maybe I should have said a song sung poorly at the internment is a grave air? No? Ok, I’d better go.”

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Andrew from Dugald:
Jesus encountered a man with DMS (dry mouth syndrome) and said: “I can offer thee salivation!”

A nonbeliever with an empty beer mug bumped into Jesus at a wedding… Jesus just said: “Fill his Stein!”

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Frank from Eldorado:
A dairy farmer discovered that one of his cows had an udder with seven teats. So astonished was he, that he notified the Museum of Nature’s Oddities (MONO) and offered the udder to the museum when the cow dies. A special glass container was made to hold the strange udder, but a clumsy attendant dropped it and it broke. Luckily, it was put together with epoxy and crazy glue, and so it could be used when the time came to prepare the exhibit.

What is the short summary of this story?

A glued urn preserves an udder.

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