Andrew from Dugald, MB:
What famous playwright gave it all up to buy a cattle ranch in Montana, dotted with grassy hills? Knoll Cow-herd.

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DANCE IN YOUR PANTS

Dear Pungents, this is a shameless plug for the spectacular show we’re working on. Dancemakers is celebrating its 30th anniversary, and yet it is tougher than overcooked cow heart to open people’s minds and get them out to see contemporary dance. Can you spare a few puns that will show how much COOLER contemporary dance is than some horse show or clown workshop? ~Loretta, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Hey Toronto, stressed out? Then come to Dance-Show Relaxo!” (for Toronto audiences who know Rancho Relaxo)

OR-

2) “Dancemakers = Pant-shakers – we get you moving.”

ALSO

3) “Has working all week like a mindless insect made you angry as a Klingon warlord? Then Khan-tempered harried ants (contemporary dance) is just the thing for you.” (a tad convoluted?)

4) “Metaphor Moses never met a more faux sis? Ovid’s Metamorphoses, from Dancemakers: twisting tongues, arms, legs and minds together for over 30 years.”

5) “At our spectacle, (ex)spect tickles!”

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Frank from Eldorado:
Where do young elephants live when they leave home and attend college?
In a pachydorm.

AND

What fee do lawyers charge the group U2 for legal work?
None. They do it pro Bono.

Frank says, “The second one is so obvious, someone must have zinged an unsuspecting
world with it already, but I swear I just thought it up independently.

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Frank from Eldorado:
Where do young elephants live when they leave home and attend college?
In a pachydorm.

AND

What fee do lawyers charge the group U2 for legal work?
None. They do it pro Bono.

Frank says, “The second one is so obvious, someone must have zinged an unsuspecting
world with it already, but I swear I just thought it up independently.

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Calvin from Edmonton:

Calvin says, “A while back someone submitted a good one on Thessalonious Monk. I thought up a few more on jazz artists and thought it might inspire you to do a themed series on musicians/composers etc. btw, I love your site, if that isn’t already obvious to you.”

Q. Why was the jazz fan excited about seeing home movies of his favourite singer’s first year of life?
A. He wanted to see Diana crawl.

Avian jazz pianist from the Far East? Chick Korea.

What they said when people tried to match up a premier jazz vocalist of the mid-20th century with U.S. President Ford: “Ella fits Gerald.”

Did you know that Don Harron’s alter-ego is related to a bop alto-saxophonist who gained fame in the ’40s and ’50s? He’s Charlie Parker’s son.

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Calvin from Edmonton:

Calvin says, “A while back someone submitted a good one on Thessalonious Monk. I thought up a few more on jazz artists and thought it might inspire you to do a themed series on musicians/composers etc. btw, I love your site, if that isn’t already obvious to you.”

Q. Why was the jazz fan excited about seeing home movies of his favourite singer’s first year of life?
A. He wanted to see Diana crawl.

Avian jazz pianist from the Far East? Chick Korea.

What they said when people tried to match up a premier jazz vocalist of the mid-20th century with U.S. President Ford: “Ella fits Gerald.”

Did you know that Don Harron’s alter-ego is related to a bop alto-saxophonist who gained fame in the ’40s and ’50s? He’s Charlie Parker’s son.

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RICHARD GEAR?

Dear Pungents, I have just bought a new road bike, a Trek 1200; it is black, white, red and aluminum coloured. I was hoping you could help me with a punny name for it, somehow relating it to one or more of the following: I’m an aerospace grad student, I usually mountain bike (not road bike), and my mountain bike’s name is Pumpkin. Thanks! ~Marc, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Eros Pace – she flies at the speed of love

2) The Highway RAWBer – Red, Alum, White and Black

3) Not the Thinker, but the Rider: aka Auguste Roadin.

4) Flower Pedals?

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Andrew from Dugald:
African pasta? Serenghetti.
and
Once a year, all the lions get together and go to a salon. They get their manes brushed and their claws sharpened… but always in that order – and they’re always pleased with the results. Pride combeth before a file, they say!

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Frank from Eldorado:
Why do cannibals get away with eating their fellow humans?
Because nobody holds them ac-cannable for their actions.

Frank says “More for your cannibals collection.”

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Andrew from Dugald:
‘Mitre-box Redux:’ One headline you DIDN’T see was exactly how one of the Catholic leaders tried to convince Ratzinger that he should become the Pope: “Cardinal Eggs Benedict.” When he speaks well (and he does) he offers us Bene-diction.

Andrew says, “I believe in volume punning, sooner or later, like a monkey at a typewriter, some of them HAVE to be funny.”

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