Andrew from Dugald, Manitoba:
As Mick Jagger was hiking through the highlands, he came across a shepherd being mauled by a female sheep…..not knowing what else to do, he yelled: Hey! Ewe! Get off of McLeod!

Andrew says: “This isn’t original, but it’s for all those Scotsmen oot there!”
also-
“I gotta stop punning behind the wheel.”

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GREEN THUMP

Dear Pungents, I need a pun for the eternal problem: that weeds seem to thrive in the garden more than the hoped-for flowers. ~Mary, Eaton, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “It’s a plague of dandelions! Good thing I’ve been weeding the Bible.”

2) “Forget fertilizer – I need a fertilaser!”

3) “These weeds love to multiply after dark – they have a night-rate fixation!” (nitrate fixation – quite nerdy)

4) “My garden has not turned out as I plant.”

5) “I need to stop these weeds on the mitochondrial level – that will end this Kreb-grass cycle!” (crabgrass/Krebs cycle – EXTREMELY nerdy)

6) “Oops, looks like I was accidentally using a weed-waker!”

7) “My garden doesn’t produce any veggies, so I guess I’ll resort to eating Bavarians. Nothing I plant seems to German-ate!”

8) Bonus non-pun: “Man am I hosed!”

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CT from Toronto:
At what popular Chinese food restaurant has the age-old multitasking standard with respect to bubble gum been taken to a new extreme?
Man-Chew/Walk.

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SNOW PROBLEM

Dear Pungents, I am going to Mt. Tremblant this week, skipping school while I’m at it. I’d love a punny MSN nickname to tell people not to expect me around for the next few days. Thanks! ~Brian, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “One Tough Hooky

2) “Sorry but I had to ski-daddle

3) “Needed to get away for a ski trip – my schoolwork was getting slopey!”

4) “Taking a Powder” (not a pun)

5) “Having a hill of a time”

6) “In the bathroom, tremblant from the runs!”

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PODShine Girl?

Dear Pungents, I wanna be a PunShine Girl – and I’m looking for a sexy ‘Bible Belt’ pun to pose with. Got any suggestions? ~Mariza, The Grove, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “What do you call a zealous fundamentalist in the sack? A Bible humper!”

2) “Why is it illegal to look at actress Moore in many Southern states? Because they don’t allow saw-Demi!”

3) “What do Moses and a gynecologist have in common? They both have seen the burning bush!” (not a pun, but fun)

4) Visit Mariza in PunShines for the winning pun!

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