Guybrush from Toronto:
The U.N. stops by Jack Astors for lunch.
After they finish eating, the waitress says,”Would anyone like dessert? Tea? Kofi?”

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TRIBUTE TO A POPE-ULAR GUY!

Dear Pungents, I need a pun about the pope’s recent surgery to use at the hospital where I work. Please help!
~ Rob, Kingston, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Don’t give up Pope!”

2) “When the doctors inserted the tracheotomy tube, all they heard was a loud popeing sound.”

3) “Let’s hope he gets well soon, since he’s so pope-ular!”

4) “The pope was tired, so the doctors told him to trach (“trake”) five.”

5) “I hope the pope gets well. He’s such a powerful guy. His influenza is felt around the world!”

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Amber from Victoria:
What was the fairy tale writer’s favourite French seafood dish?
Poisson boots.

Why did the salmon break up with her lobster boyfriend?
He was just way too shellfish.

What do you call an old mischievous ghost?
A polter-geezer.

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LANCE IN YOUR PANTS

Dear Pungents, what can give me about a 60-year-old male named Lance who is infatuated with a new lady-friend and is acting like a swooning teenager? ~ Les, Duncan, BC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “That man is a snake! He is carrying on like it’s an affair-de-Lance!”

2) “He’s acting so strangely! It baffles me how this new woman continues to be excited about visiting such foreign Lance!”

3) “Our male friend gets on our nerves every night – I’m tiring of Lance a lot!”

4) “I’m just not N’Sync with Lance’s Bass desires!”

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SLIPPERY CANSWERVATIVES?

Dear Pungents, I need a snappy title for my university paper about the elusive Canadian neo-conservative. Up for the challenge? ~ Ashley, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) PC phone home: getting in touch with the neo-Con-adian

2) Neo-can-undrum: wither right wing?

3) The Great Right North

4) What’s the Tory, morning glory?

5) Can-servative vessels finding safe Harper? [ok this is a bit ridiculous]

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RENTAL GIANTS

Dear Pungents, I loved the story in the Post! Both I and my mother-in-love adore puns and punditry so we wish you the best of luck. I’m looking for a pun about urban living, modern life and rentals or leasing. Trying to get a name for a potential rental business, and I love puns. Please prove my husband wrong. ~ LeAnne, Calgary

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Affordable Rentals – it’s the lease you can do!

2) City Gardens Leasing: Lettuce let you!

3) Good Relationship Properties: where Meeting the ‘Rents isn’t so painful.

4) Cosmopolitan Rentals: where urban meets turban

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