PLUCKY CANUCK

(*warning* – the following Pun on Demand contains adult situations and innuendo)

Dear Pungents: How about a pun for a Canadian kid living in the States who just doesn’t get any respect? He’s constantly getting teased for his odd Canadian accent and for those floppy-headed characters from South Park, Terrence and Philip. ~ Christopolous Briggadopolous, East Greenbush, New York

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Won’t shut up? Well how’s this for deTerrence: I’ll Philip your ‘eh’-hole with a canuckle sandwich!”

2) “You know, I spend a lot of time with my Dick Cheney-saw, hacking at the Bush on the way to your sister’s Clintonoris… As a Canadian, I spend a lot of time in her Regina!”

3) “Cut the bull, or al gore you!”

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TAN GENTS?

Dear Pungents: It’s my mom’s birthday next week while she’s on holiday in St Lucia, and I need something punny to wish her a sun-sational time! ~ Claire, Belleville, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “I would go with you mom, but when it comes to me and St. Lucia – it’s Caribbean there, done that!

2) “The nightlife is crazy there – It’s sane-lose-ya!”

3) “I hope the weather’s just luciaous!”

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CONAN THE GRAMMARIAN

I teach five classes of sometimes bright, sometimes not, grade seven and eight students. What’s a pun I can use to subdue the questions I get during grammar lessons? Something like “I’ll take ‘noun’ of your questions at this time,” or “Would you repeat that again ‘verb’-atim?” But something with a stronger wit. ~ Marissa, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “You think I’m a witch for teaching this stuff? We haven’t even hit the hag-jectives yet!”

2) “Lucky you’re not in Catholic school – the priests make you study in the pray-position!”

3) “No grammar homework tonight – what a happy pronoun-cement!”

4) “What should a subject never say to a judge? ‘I – Object!‘”

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SURVIVAL OF THE WITTEST

I need a pun revolving around a legal education coupled to a genetics education. I leave the rest up to you. ~ Top Dog, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “If Darwin had to sign a waiver before shipping off on his genetics voyage, would you said it was because he was on allelegal Beagle?”

2) “Do students in the Galapagos study tortoise law?”

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