You should never feed scrap metal to cows. I tried it once, and there was a moo tinny!
NED: Some people are ‘turned on’ by the strangest things.
ED: Really, how’s that?
NED: Well, when I stick my hand up a cow , I feel in the mooed.
The inventor of any cow-measuring device will receive size a bull royalties.
A cow’s favourite prayer is “Hail Mary, full of graze…” It’s even more popular than the Our Fodder.
When the cows jumped over the moon, it was steer and udder luna-see.
Puns about exploding cows? Absolutely tear a bull.
How does one put a cow to sleep?
Run it down with a bull dozer.
The farmer was at a loss to produce more beef. In a last ditch effort he put all his cows in a cyclotron. So sad… he was really spinning his veals.
They let a large cow into the Playboy Mansion, and called it Huge Heifer.
Which US state has the most bovines? Cowafornia! (…but what about Moo Mexico?)
Is there any trace left of the great Ancient Cow civilization? Yes, many ruminants are left behind.
Tantric sex with bovines? That’s a lotta bull-yoni.
Does excessive methane release (farting) ruin a cow’s milk production? Yes, because of the poisonous dairy-air.
Cows often regurgitate their own cud. It’s because they’re bullimic.
Those who invest in cattle futures must pay attention to the leather forecast.
Mother cow to uncouth calf: “Were you grazed in a barn?”
Misbehaving cows must sit in the corner wearing a dung’s cap.
The cow and bull mated in a heap of dung. The next morning the cow said “man ‘ure great last night!”
The Secret Service surrounded the President with dozens of cows. They were trying to beef up security. (POW)
The farmer was at a loss to produce more beef. In a last-ditch effort, he put his cows in a giant centrifuge. It was so sad; he was really spinning his veals.
Eat in the field where the grass is greener? You gotta be grazy!
You shouldn’t tell jokes about cows. Nobody likes a cattle-tale.
Which cows look forward to being barbecued? The ones who feel at home on the range. (POW)
Q: Do you eat veal? A: Of course not! Also, I’m trying to give up calfeine.
There are those cows who produce offspring and those who don’t. It’s a case of the calves and calve-nots.
Goats and donkeys tend to be lazy. But cows – they give 110% heifer!
When should you throw out your cow milk? When it gives off a peculiar udder.
One night in the barn, the hoofed mammals got together and decided to have an orgy. It was an all-ungulate debaucherment, featuring depraved acts with cows, goats, wildebeests and more! Things were getting rather out of hand when the poor unsuspecting farmer walked in, all agape. The orgy grinded to a halt. One of the hoofers pulled a firearm on the party-crasher and ordered him angrily to leave. Stunned and embarrassed, the farmer asked the pistol-packing ungulates to calm down: “Don’t let me interrupt,” he stammered at the point of the barrel, “please – put your gnu back in the holstein!“