CT from Toronto:
Tammy: Why are those two french guys watching the plumber fix the pump?
Sammy: They are waiting for good eau.
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Loading... (Rate This Pun)Loading... (Rate This Pun)Loading...When asked for advice on mountain climbing by his Roman colleagues, Caesar replied, “K2, Brute.“
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Frank from Eldorado:
“For those of us who are old enough to remember, there was a news item in all the papers in 1963, which was seriously misspelled, but being polite and politically correct, nobody bothered to bring attention to it. We know how it read. However, after correcting the spelling errors, it should have read like this:
“Betty Friedan’s new book ‘The Feminine Mistake’ is of hysterical significance.”
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Frank from Eldorado:
“For those of us who are old enough to remember, there was a news item in all the papers in 1963, which was seriously misspelled, but being polite and politically correct, nobody bothered to bring attention to it. We know how it read. However, after correcting the spelling errors, it should have read like this:
“Betty Friedan’s new book ‘The Feminine Mistake’ is of hysterical significance.”
(Rate This Pun)Loading...OUR MOST COMPLICATED REQUEST YET!
Dear Pungents, I would like a pun involving boyfriends who don’t do the dishes, excessive amounts of ice cream, lesbian lust, tree climbing, mangos, and superheroes… By the way, you all are fantastic. ~Tina, Toronto
(…get ready!)
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
“Recently I went through a very negative tree-climbing incident that has left me in an aldered state. It was rough. In fact I scream when I think about it…
The other day, for the umpteenth time, my boyfriend neglected to wash up after dinner. Well, I had enough of it. We had long been on a rocky road, and this was the final strawberry – so I told him “It’s over,” and dish-missed him from my lovelife!
Well, he couldn’t believe I’d just dessert him like that. He says “Splits eh? You’ve gone bananas!” Then, get this, the crazy man goes to a nearby tree – the one with the massively huge tropical fruits – and he starts going up it! It was repulsive, rappelent even. He was like a monkey going up that tree, a real lower-order climb-mate. He must have thought he was some kind of hero, but I knew better; he doesn’t even like Super-mangos…
In the end, he was too jealous of my many gal pals. I implored him, “C’mon, lesbee friends!” but to no avail; he just stayed up there, saying “Leaf me be!”. Well, this foolishness was something I just couldn’t dyke any more of, so I thought, dam him; I looked up at the tree, said “oak-y dokey” and left.
Looking bark on things, I’ve never had such a fruitless relationship… Men – with them it’s all bump-and-rind, they just want your ‘cookies n cream’. No Wonder Woman is so much more a-peeling!”
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
One of the problems that Dr. Livingstone had in Africa was rampant diarrhea; he was often inContinent.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Frank from Eldorado:
What would you call the second jewel in the crown of horse races if it was run by genetically deformed horses?
Freakness.
A really old guy was lasciviously staring and gawking at comely young lady for the longest time. Suddenly, he walked over to her, loudly broke wind and touched her on the derriere in a rather inappropriate way. Later, when the young lady described the incident she said of the old guy:
“He was a gazer, gasser, gooser geezer.”
Franks says, “The second is not a pun, but I send it anyways. I dreamt it up on a long drive on I69 in Indiana… P.S. apologies for the word ‘lure in the boll weevil pun. Perhaps ‘ruse’ would have been better?”
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
In a modern war, the Vatican army wouldn’t stand a chance…their soldiers would just be Canon Father. Though, it might help if they started deacon left and right.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
I was hiking in the valley of a thousand hills, and while I knew there might be a few dropoffs, I took a nasty tumble over a small cliff. A little knoll edge can be a dangerous thing.
Favorite pastime at the nudist club? Playing tittely dinks.
This new exercise regime is going very well for me….yep, everything is just ticketai-bo.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
This fellow tried to bluff his way into the orchestra pit, but he was just sym-phony. When they closed down the opera house, they barded up the windows and put a “Restricted Aria“ sign on the door.
Does a classical music store offer “one stop Chopin?”
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