Star Trek Puns

Why were they able to summon Spock from beyond the grave? Because he was the seance officer!

They were playing basketball on the first episode of Star Trek, and Kirk was having a brilliant game. He was driving toward the net, a single basket shy of a tribble-double, but as the final buzzer went the ref called him for double-tribbling!

What device did they use to lock up tricycles on the Enterprise? A trike-hoarder!

Which communications officer slept around? Uhura!

When the Vulcan made an emergency landing on Wall Street, did they call it a Spock market crash?

Worf once moonlighted as a hiphop artist named ‘Saran’ – he loved the Kling rap!

The sickbay medics encountered a strange disease, which they named Quadri-Polar Disorder. It could be treated only with di-lithium.

Account of a quarrel: “My weapon was set to stun, but I missed her over the shoulder. She looked at me, unphased.”

After eating too much Vietnamese food Kirk rushed to the bathroom to unleash a pho-ton torpedo.

The prisoner escaped from the brig and angrily stormed onto the bridge. Needless to say Captain Kirk was unprepared for the wrath of con.

Why did they land on the Holy Wall of Jerusalem in Star Trek IV? They heard the wails.

Why did Bones become drunk when Kirk transported him to the bridge? Because he said “Jim beam me up!”

Which officer wanted to join the Catholic priesthood? End-sin Crusher. Did they accept him? No, because he was already a Wesleyan.

What was Quark’s favourite retro band? Ferengi Goes To Hollywood.

How could they tell Picard’s deity-like nemesis was a stoner? Because they made him take a High-Q test.

When making love, Spock would only trust the durability of vulcanized rubbers.

Did Troi need to smoke up in order to use her mental power? Yes, she was a hempath.

What creature staked out a bathroom, lustily awaiting a gazelle? The loo-tenant, come-on deer!

Sewage on the Enterprise was disposed of via a network of turdbowl-lifts.

Guinan had a premonition she would end up at Ten-Forewarned.

Jewish bakeries could be found on the Challahdeck.

When Picard hooked up with the Icelandic pop singer, he too was one with the Bjork.

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Television and Radio Puns

They’re replacing SNL with an offbeat cooking show. It’s called Saturday Night Liver.

Where can you watch nothing but Nolte? See-NN

The shock jock would interrupt his guests so often – they took to calling him Howard’s Turn.

Not every day! Jon’s too hurt to do the Daily Show.

Pavarotti has taken to hanging out on daytime talk shows. Because he’s an Oprah singer.

Which host is in a hurry to amputate sheep legs? Rush Limb-baah.

Which lefty personality likes to rate his favourite episodes from the show about the creature from planet Melmac? Alf Ranken.

Is the age we live in like a soap opera? No, but it’s so a pop era.

Some production companies use a seedy setting for filming. For TJ Hooker for example, the title character’s scenes were described as ‘Shat-on-location‘.

Radio has taught us a grim lesson: Life is FMeral, with everyone just walking about AMlessly, waiting to dial. 

Puns about radio frequencies should be band.

Do midget supermodels listen to short-waif radio?

When the popular Mr. Jones was put in jail his fans took to the radio dial, calling for the producer’s release on every free quincy.

Do bipolar sufferers watch sad-delight television?

Which popular evening show features an all-male gangbang? Enter Ten Men Tonight!

Hear about the sitcom with the ‘fish out of water’ plotlines? It’s called ‘Who’s the Bass?’. 

Then there was that documentary about the overcrowded Indian reserve, ie Full Hows.

The sitcom about the berserk ‘home-improvement’ father who runs amok with his tools and murders his wife and kids? Awl in the Family.

The new courtroom drama will be called Everybody Loves Arraignment.

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