THE SPRINTED WORD

Dear Pun Gents, I need a good name for a running relay team! ~Christine, Whitehorse, Yukon

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Save Our Soles
  2. Batonomous Collective
  3. Baton Rouge
  4. Relay Fast

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CASE OF CRABS

Dear Pun Gents, I'm handing out crab mallets as favors for a bridal shower with a crab-cake recipe. Need a clean pun related to crab mallet, crabcakes, and marriage. ~Lauren, Lawrence, KS

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Mallet-adjusted behaviour
  2. Pre-nuptial claws
  3. Don't put up with any crab!
  4. You can't be shellfish in marriage.
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MOBSTER TRAP

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun involving mobsters. ~Timothy, Mount Morris, NY

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Why did Tony kill his Amway supplier? The Soap ran out.
  2. Mobster puns are the corleone-ist.
  3. Movie about the death of a mobster: Don to Dust
  4. Mobsters are pansies: they act so Sicily.
  5. Mobster porn: Good Phallus.

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WEDDING TRAIN

Dear Pun Gents, I have to do a best man speech for guy who is interested in model railways, loves Top Gun and eats loads of bacon – any decent ideas? ~Ed, Ripon, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. She'll have him at her bacon call.
  2. His fiance trained him well.
  3. He's a railly lucky guy.
  4. When I heard he was getting married I thought he had a loco motive.
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THE HURLERS

Dear Pun Gents, I need a saying for an alumni softball tournament t-shirt. I am from a small town and drinking is a hobby. The pun can be about softball, drinking, or both! ~Elise, Welsh

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Playing softball is a wasted opportunity
  2. Play too much softball and, afterward, you'll spend all night hurling.
  3. Why do pitchers scrath their balls on the mound? Because it's slope itch.

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GET BAKED AT WORK

Dear Pun Gents, our legal department is having a team community volunteer baking event for a children’s charity. Can you help us with a slogan? Thanks. ~Michele, Chadds Ford, PA (Long-time fan)

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Too many cookies spoil the broth
  2. Well-bread Children
  3. The Apple of Your Pie
  4. Leaven Let Die
  5. Live on a Dessert Island
  6. Go Yeast, Young Man
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Hear about the movie about drug users? It’s rated ‘addled accompaniment‘.

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Even though the Sri Lankan civil war is over, there’s still a lot of violence. It’s not exactly smooth Ceylon.

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SCHWINNING TRADITION

Dear Pun Gents, something about bicycling running in the family. It’s in my DNA, in my blood, family history of interest in the sport–I am in the cycling industry and work for Shimano in the OEM department. Hope that helps? ~Adam, Mission Viejo, CA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. A tradition you can’t brake.
  2. Never two tired to ride.
  3. Give the kids their ride-alin.
  4. It starts in the early gears.
  5. My mom gave birth to Schwinns.
  6. I love the rolling hills. I feel like Bianchi Knolls [Beyonce Knowles].
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Hear about the conductor who got in trouble for slapping a woman’s bass at a party? He was flouting etiquette, acting like a bassoon, so she cried, “Oboe you don’t! I’m not your sax partner!”

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