KISS MY GAS

Dear Pungents, our school is doing a “Santa goes green’ concert, and the penguins are protesting the use of nonrenewable forms of energy. Got any slogans that the penguins might put on their protest signs? Thanks! ~Jill, Clearwater, FLA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT [a bit late for Xmas, sorry Jill!]

  1. Fuelish Behaviour
  2. Give Gas a Pass
  3. Flip Oil the Bird
  4. Oil is UnSanta-tary
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WHEN HARRY MET SALMAN

Dear Pungents, how about puns twisting famous authors’ names into idioms? What got me started was seeing a shirt that said “My way or the Hemingway.” What else can we do with author’s names and idioms/aphorisms/cliches? Maybe if Shakespeare met Descartes… “I think therefore iamb?” ~Mike, Warren, OH

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Blame It on the Twain
  2. The Wrath of Seuss
  3. If the shoe Fitzgerald, let him wear it.
  4. Austen Yonkers
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DON’T BE A POTTY POOPER

Dear Pungents, I need a pun about an ultrasound that shows that my baby won’t be one of those pooping babies. ~Noetica, Oakland, CA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. This ultrasound is really grainy: you can’t see shit.
  2. You won’t know if you’re baby is a pooper until the turd trimester.
  3. If you’re too meticulous during your pregnancy, you’ll get a poopy baby. So don’t keep a baby log, or write a diarrhea.
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Andrew from Dugald:

Since the American financial sector has basically gone in the crapper due to bad loans, are lenders of last resort guilty of giving credit, where credit is……doo-doo?

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I saw a lowlife cruising for loose women on the beach. I said “What kind of conch you buyin‘?” He said, “She’s my beach—a shore thing. I don’t care what pebble think, if they sea us together. I hope I end up all tide up.”

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