The gangland baseball star established a huge mafia umpire. Of course, he won’t say a word about his past hits: He follows the code of homerta, and brushes off all allegations as baseless. But he has been seen patrolling the alleys, and out of left field, he takes a swing at the pitcher. ‘Don’t try to put one past a man with three balls,’ he gloats. Despite facing the heat for two controversial strikes–and repeatedly ending up in foul territory–he ends up walking. Of course, the other guys balk. The next inning he decides to stick a cap on a fan. This time the hard liners get to him. So he winds up in the pen. Before, he would feast on sliders, but now he kills time sacrificing flies and collecting booze tins on his mickey mantle. Some say he dabbles in CyYoungtology. During this short stop, he pulls off a deadly sidearm delivery. He rallies, ends up running all the bases, and despite being violently tagged, he makes it home, safe. The truth of the matter? You could ask the catcher, but the catcher knows squat.
Pun of the Day
It’s easier to fake a drug test than urea lies.
Was Picasso into wedgies?
War on Terror prisoner scandals? Man, shit keeps hitting the fan down in Cuba. They should call it One Mo’ Ton O’ Guano Bay.
Why do carpenters have such large toolboxes?
Because they have to be awl-encompassing.
If I were a tree, I wood like poplar music. Especially Spruce Sprigsteen. Or Johnny Cash’s Balsam Prison Blues.
Mapmakers are sure to get into heaven. They will have no trouble reaching the Perly gates.
NED: Some people are ‘turned on’ by the strangest things.
ED: Really, how’s that?
NED: Well, when I stick my hand up a cow , I feel in the mooed.
I regretted my sex change after watching Trans formers.
We wanted to make today’s pun about huit, but we 8 too much!

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