MATCHISMO

Dear Pun Gents, I just started my own matchmaking business and have been offered a five-minute slot on a South African radio station. The slot is called Pun Review. I need to tell people about dating, matchmaking, the first date, etc, and I need to use as many clever puns as I can. Please help!! ~Bonita, Johannesburg

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Our service is a model of a fish-in-the-sea.
  2. Looking to get lady?
  3. You pick up chicks or we pick up the cheque.
  4. Did somebody sneeze? Match-You!
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THIS IS SWORE

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun to do with Tourette’s Syndrome. ~Jess, Melbourne

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Curing Tourette’s is an utter challenge.
  2. Surely, you interject!
  3. You’ve got a devil-may-swear attitude.
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (5 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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IGNORAMUSING

Dear Pun Gents, something about man’s ignorance of nature. The plague of technology etc. ~Ashley, Sydney, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. We’re on a slippery slope, ie tech-knoll-ology.
  2. Didn’t Stephen King write a horror novel called I.T.?
  3. To protect myself from evil technology, iPadlocked my gate.
  4. It’s Life is Beautiful, not Life is Boot-able.
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5)
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KICKS KATS

Dear Pun Gents, we need two team names for a management vs. employee charity kickball game. All employees work customer service for a large satellite television provider. Names must be HR appropriate, but can be a slightly inappropriate pun (ex. Kickin’ Grass). ~Kim, Huntington, WV

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Super HRoes
  2. Manage a Trois
  3. Corporate Punishment
  4. Emplohyenas
  5. Staff Infection
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SHRIMP COCKTAIL

Dear Pun Gents, I am having a party and am having a little person serve “odwarfs” and beverages. I need a pun for when he is asking if anyone needs a drink. He will be wearing a large sombrero filled with chips. ~Jason, Kansas City, MO

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. No drinks. But do you have anything two feet on?
  2. Shrimp Cocktail
  3. Coffee w/ half and half and Sweet N Low
  4. Smurf Martini
  5. Vodka. Just a squirt.
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Cow insults can be very hard to diss heifer.

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