Lance Armstrong felt better after appearing on Oprah. She gave him performance-enhancing hugs. Nonetheless, Lance committed male fraud: He was master of the pellets-on. Somehow he  never failed his testes—he didn’t stop until he had one. Now, stripped of his Tour titles, the most shocking revelation is that Lance has a No Jersey accent. Anyway I guess it’s back to eating Sheryl Crow. [The Gents thank Ashley, Bryan and Jordan for collaborating on today’s puns!]

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During his ‘bestiality years’ Elvis recorded several hits: Not just ‘Hound Dog’, of course, but also ‘Love Me Ten Deers’, ‘Viva Las Wolverines’, and ‘In the Gecko.’

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