NED: Did the poet really jump out a building and kill himself on the concrete?
ED: Oh no – that was a met-a-floor.
Ned and Ed
NED: My lawyer works for me, pro bono…
ED: Really!? Why, that’s fee-nominal!
NED: I have an irrational fear that Santa will get tossed from his sleigh.
ED: What’s that?
NED: Claustrewphobia!
NED: Hear about the Greek mafia?
ED: Yeah – they always threaten to put a kappa in my ass!
NED: Didn’t they murder a bunch of Newfoundlanders?
ED: No – that was the psychotic Greek fraternity, Kappa Nu Phi.
NED: What about that strange fraternity located along the Nile river, it was called Chi Rho Delta, that now wants to open a bake shop.
ED: You mean Nu Pi Delta. Once I Eta Pithere – it was too expensive and now I Omega. But it was a big dessert. I Eta Omega Pi!
NED: Well I’m getting a little tired of Nu Pi Delta, as is their sister sorority.
ED: Xi Xi Xi?
NED: That’s right. And what about the fraternity for Esperanto lovers – Nu Alpha Beta.
ED: Or that sorority for fashionable fat ladies: Nu Mu Mu. My poodle got eaten there!
NED: I thought that was Eta Phi-Phi.
ED: And to get revenge on those ladies I borrowed a semiautomatic weapon. But I lost it and now it has to be replaced.
NED: Iota Nu Xi can help you with that.
ED: What about penis enlargement?
NED: Try Psi Xi Omega.
ED: Did you know dragon boat lovers are meeting at Rho Rho Rho?
NED: That’s nothing. The pranksters at Tau Rho Mu stack cows one atop the other!
ED: Funny, I had a beef patty the other day.
NED: At Eta Mu Pi?
ED: Yes. Say – did you hear about that kinky lesbian sorority. Legend has it Michael Douglas’ wife and Delta Burke had a fling there.
NED: You mean Delta Eta Zeta?
ED: Yes.
NED: My arms and legs are bubbling over!
ED: Huh?
NED: It’s true, I have limb-foama!
NED: Do pigeons make a lot of noise?
ED: Don’t ask me – I haven’t got a coo!
NED: “When I went to France I pissed away all my Euros!”
ED: “Why did you do that?”
NED: “Well, I was in-continent!”
ED: “So you’re a-peein’?”
NED: “Yes, and it’s painful!”
NED: You know, I’m friends with some of the fattest people alive.
ED: Well, bless your good fourchin!
ED: Do you like this abstract painting?
NED: No. Modern art makes me want to regurgiTate.
ED: Really?
NED: Yeah, it Turners my stomach.
ED: Oh my.
NED: If you’ll excuse me – now I have to get up Van Gogh to the bathroom!
NED: You should avoid visiting the Handcuff Museum.
ED: Why?
NED: Cuz – it’s a two-wrist trap.

(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)