When the dwarf stopped the cattle stampede in its tracks, everyone called it a miracle. “He’s done the imp-pause-a-bull,” they said.

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People who don’t use deodorant are threatening the b-o-sphere. Which is dangerous, because that’s all that separates us from odour space. I mean, they’ve already destroyed the nose-zone layer!

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People who don’t trim their hedges also don’t trim their flowers. They’re so lack a daisy cull.

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