The agile prostitute kept in shape by parkwhoring.

The man who goes to India and gets aroused, wakes up with bally wood.

The pornstar lost her job and filed for onanployment.

Any recommendation to sleep with a midget just doesn’t stand up to screw tiny.

True or phallus: dildos aren’t real.

Ron Jeremy is known for his lays-her-like focus on the job.

Dear Pun Gents, my co-ed football team is trying to think of a name with a sexual pun to it. That’s what the captain wants.  Something where Will Ferrell would say haha. ~Olivia, Fayetteville, NC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Tight Ends [too obvious]
2. Poonters
3. Hut Slots
4. We Touch Down There
5. No Cuddle Offense
6. Line of Rimmage
7. Third and Long

Did Genghis Khan sleep his way to the top?

Yes, the Mongol whored.

There’s a famous public space in China dedicated to womanizers. It’s called T & A Men Square.

A male strip club is a real dong show.

Do mathematicians enjoy group sets?

Prostitutes in Krakow aren’t without screw Poles.

Sexual harassment is a big problem at tap-ass bars.

Americans are taking on too much debt, and it’s putting kinks in the economy. They love state-owe-masochism, getting fiscaled, bondage, and other stimulus measures. This is why they are being punished on the S&M 500.

The poorly endowed man committed suicide because he didn’t be long.

Which of the following games will result in pregnancy?

a-Hopscotch

b-Tiddlywinks

c-Red Rover

d-Duck Duck Goose

e-Jack in the Box

When the porn star advertised a free orgy, she was unprepared for the onslot.

I slept with the devil last night. We had six 3 times!

Cojonan O’brien really had balls standing up to NBC, after getting bumped by the Jay Jay.

A porn director’s beverage of choice would be a milfshake. It tastes like umami.

My wife is turned on by men with yachts. So I bought one. I guess turn a boat is foreplay.

Some of those pedophile priests must have misunderstood the pope’s orders: anul sects.

If the Titanic had been called the Titanus it never would have been penetrated. Instead it was doom to sphinct, and all onboard the ship were tossed from the rear. The captain in particular insisted on going down. [Speaking of Titanic, did you hear Spiel Berg is talking about a sequel?]

There was a sign at a strip club indicating the cost for a lapdance, but it was per loined.

Now for a very special series: Our STI movie night! Caught on the big screen*, in HPV-D!

Featuring:

• Warts of the World
• Extraordinary Pimples
• Gonorrhea in 60 Seconds, starring V.Diesel (an infectious horror show!)
• Schindler’s Syphilist
• Pus in Booty
• The Quickie and The Dead
• Sleeping with the Emnity
• Star Whores Episode II: Attack of the Colons
  

Followed by a live performance of wandering menstruals!

*or catch it virally on YouTube

Trench warfare: When a woman receives oral pleasure from a bearded Klingon.

For women to achieve orgasm, you need to reach a clitical mass.

The effects of Viagra have been shown to be counter-acted by ingesting A spurt tame.

Rubbing up against strangers is frotte with peril.

NED: I would like to rent some stripper equipment.
ED: Just call the pole lease!

Cryptographers like to sleep around, always cracking coeds.

A key chapter in the history of sodomy is the fierce colonial invasions. Also notable is the collapse of the fissuries.

Phone sex fellatio? That’s blew caller work!

They say homosexuals can’t have children, but they are wrong: Conception requires two gay meats.

The kinky contortionist prefers self in-fellating mattresses.

The good Samaritan loved his neighbour a bit too freely. He contracted helpatitis.

I’m against organized labour. Sex with pigs should always be spontaneous.

Noah was extremely promiscuous during his travels on the boat. He was known as the first ark dick explorer.

Did you know David Copperfied refuses to take Viagra? Because he’s the master of missed erection.

Four new Puns on Demand filled today

Paris Hilton was caught fellating her boyfriend while he still had his pants on. Now she claims to have an undie-served reputation.

Prostitutes are buy sexual.

In ancient Rome, prostitution wasn’t unusual. It was a whore-denarii sight.

Intersex people are very erotic. They have a lot of androgynous zones.

Intersex people are very erotic. They have a lot of androgynous zones.

Hear about the bored economist who went for a lapdance? When asked how he felt, he said “I hope the D pressin’ never ends!”

The anal wand was invented by the ancient Ass Techs.

The old man who slept with three virgins celebrated his cherry-hat-trick.

Name for a Brazilian wax spa: Cleave it to Beaver.

I slept with a farm animal. In the morning I felt pretty oxward.

I saw a lowlife cruising for loose women on the beach. I said “What kind of conch you buyin‘?” He said, “She’s my beach—a shore thing. I don’t care what pebble think, if they sea us together. I hope I end up all tide up.”