How does the Syrian president live with himself? He must look in the mirror and say  ‘I’m Assad fellow. But everything’s gonna be Alawite.’

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Does an executioner who gets nervous about sending an aristocrat to the gallows suffer from performance hang-society?

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I don’t like the high seas. If I ever went on a pirate ship, they would clock me in the groin, and call me ‘gland clubber!

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