The Black Death was the best disease. Any attempts to replicate it are just plague-iarism.
After getting H1N1, falling ill with H5N1 seems rather Super-fluous.
Some grievous afflictions could benefit from better PR branding. E.g., have you heard about the exciting new disease, Übercoolosis?
Glaucoma is a terrible de-sees.
I wish I could cure a global pandemic. But that’s outside my sphere of influenza.
People who just got off airplanes are more susceptible to the flew.
When I found out who was defecating in the water supply, I was all hot under the cholera.