Dogs would get kicked out of the military, for derriere licking off doody.
My dog only got castrated once. But he gets me new turd every day.
I stuck my leg in an air duct. It’s my most recent in-vent shin.
Do homeless psychics use a squeegee board?
The Octopi Wall Street movement was very well-armed, and got a lot of ink.
NED: You! Why’d you just prick me with that pushpin?
ED: Sorry. It seems you were in my zone of a tack.
When I saw the depressed mathematician, I asked “What sum adder with you?”
I always gain weight after a Fed increase.
To a hungry monk, cheese is Christ.
The proctologist cut down drastically on his patient load, because he was on hole-a-day.