My financial advisor warned me about Varsol. He said if I went near it I’d end up in solvent.
My failure to succeed in the water vapour business was a mist stopper tunity.
When should you lick an incandescent bulb?
When the filament’s made of tongue-sten.
Hear about the chemist who couldn’t decide what to eat at a dim sum restaurant? As they laid plates before him, he sat there, studying the periodic table of aliments.
Hear about the dyslexic chemist who would have sex with birds? He insisted on studying the properties of mangeesium.
The theatre director used the solidified carbon dioxide to cathartic effect. “By the end of the performance,” he predicted, “there will be no dry ice in the house!”
Science has shown that a hungry man can make a sandwich disappear through a physical process of phase transition, aka sub elimination.
Issues of the Journal of Poisonous Chemicals were stacked on the periodical table of ailments.
The history of chemistry is sordid: there are ampoule accounts of vial behavior.
Which element of the periodic table obeys all the laws? Copper.
Sewing machines are made from aloominum.
Tilemakers use floorine.
Iron is expensive; if you want some you must pay a Fe.
Gravediggers use barium.
Why should punsters go to hell? We’ve already sulfured enough!
Las Vegas must be made of tin. Because it’s Sn City.
The lazy chemist disliked reciting the more obscure elements; it would bohrium to death.
The divorced chemist had to make antimony payments.
Bromine – the chemical for angry black men.
Compounds of which noble gas are hard to spot? Argon.
The film about the chemist in Vietnam? Boron on the Fourth of July.