Dear Pun Gents, I am writing a scientific paper, and the titles of such papers are often puns. The topic of the paper is looking at fruit and seeing whether the phylogenetic trees you can construct based on morphological features match the known trees for these fruit. ~Alex, London, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Fruit 66: A phylogenetic roadmap
2. There a Pears to be a Connection…
3. Appled Science
4. Phylogenetic Trees Arboring?
5. Peach de Resistance
6. A Theory with many Applecations
7. A Branch of Theory that Bears Fruit

Dear Pun Gents, I am setting up a residential lettings agency and would like a memorable business name. Help! ~Mitzy, London, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. EasyLease
2. Prop Hotty
3. Rent & Simply [Ren & Stimpy]
4. Live and Let
5. The Live and Let Guys
6. Doctor House
7. Maison D’Etre
8. Anacondo

Dear Pun Gents, I am starting a hang-out joint based on communication; specifically Google-driven Android phones. Need a happy theme name based on the many applications they offer. ~Edward, Nakuru, Kenya (long-time fan)

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. App Repos
2. Bon App-etit
3. Go Ogle Me
4. Comm Union
5. Appy Go Lucky
6. Bar Five [as in, signal bars]
7. What’s App?

Dear Pun Gents, a pun for a work kickball team; we work with the elderly. ~Celina, Austin, TX

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

Dear Pun Gents, I want a nice pun to put in my cousin’s guest book at her wedding. ~Ellen, Ballycastle, N. Ireland

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. This evening: open bar. Tonight: open bra!
2. I guess it was the law of cousin affect.
3. You really vowed the crowd.
4. Set the lovin to high.

Dear Pun Gents, I’m trying to come up with some names for a play I’m adapting and I need a name for a medieval musician. I already have Iona Lute. Need something along these lines but a male name. Thanks! ~Jess, Manchester, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Martin Luter
2. Robert Zithermann
3. Coral Singer
4. Armando Lin
5. Shawm Reed
6. See more medieval instruments here

Dear Pun Gents, got any ideas on how to incorporate psychology vocabulary with Valentine’s Day? It can be a person, a theory, a perspective, anything. Thanks so much! ~Victoria, New York City

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. I’m no longer a Freud of love
2. Maslow dance with me? You’re at the top of my hierarchy of needs.
3. I need multi-moanal therapy
4. Don’t you love when a secret Myers Briggs you flowers?
5. You’re the narcissed person I know
6. Let’s Roschach up
7. Are you into DS&M?

Dear Pun Gents, my AP physics teacher is getting married, and she wants our class to come up with (cheesy) physics puns to put on little Valentine hearts that will be on display at the wedding. The pun has to be romantic and include physics. Example: I’m falling for you, at 9.8m/s^2! Thanks so much! ~Ryan, Palatine

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. It Hertz to be apart
2. You’re my favourite Galileo
3. I quanta be with you
4. Your quarks are so charming
5. Love is Vectorious
6. Our love is a universal constant

Dear Pun Gents, I’m doing a story about how the local high school basketball team gets mentally prepared for a game and I need a catchy title for it. I know you can do it, please help me! ~AJ, Chicago

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. No Basket Cases Here
2. Mentally Power Forward
3. Keying In
4. Head Quarters
5. Get In the Zone

Dear Pun Gents, I need a unique and clever tennis team name; can’t be too dirty minded. We are fun and enjoy our cocktails. ~Misty, Keller, TX

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Teamsters Racquet
2. Martini Dringis
3. No Speakah de Hingis
4. Night Capriatis
5. Dimentieval on Your Ass
6. The Serenavenusians
7. Lobby Williams
8. We Drop Shots
9. Full Service
10. The Backhanded Complements
11. Glam Slams
12. Womenbledon
13. Lobstoppers
14. Aceholes

Dear Pun Gents, a dodgeball pun. ~Sophia, Glendale, CA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. What’s better than a cockblock? Dodgeball.
2. Dodgeball players love to strike.
3. Dodge City was know for being quite live-ball.

Dear Pun Gents, anti-bullying awareness is coming up in our hospital and we’re looking for a good slogan to put on a pink t-shirt. Any ideas would be sooooo appreciated! ~Helen, Parry Sound, ON

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. This is a tease hurt
2. I like intimate dating, not intimidating.
3. This is not a bully market
4. Sorry, I’m just not following the threat?
5. I’ve [literally] got something on my chest - back off bullies

Dear Pun Gents, we’re a trivia team needing a new name for the season. We are pretty good but awful at the music round. We are trying to incorporate a music theme this time. ~Kat, Winnipeg, MB

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. She Drives Me Quizzy
2. The Answer, My Friends, is Blowin’ in the Wind
3. Ain’t No Party Like a JE-O-Pardy!
4. Trebek in the Saddle
5. The Who (What Where When How)

Dear Pun Gents, I’m writing a feature about knitted royal weddings (William and Kate Middleton). I need a short pun that incorporates knitting, weddings and royalty! ~Elaine, Colchester, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Windsors tie the knit
2. Such a needles expense!
3. Not a crochety couple
4. We’re all for gauge marriage
5. All eyes will be swatching
6. Kate seems comfortable in her skein.

Dear Pun Gents, I need a good name for a shopping addiction support group. Thank you for any help you can provide! ~Belinda, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Cause-mall-ogists
2. Buyer Straits
3. The Visa Squad
4. The Shopping Bloc
5. The Paypal See
6. Buy-cycle Cops

Dear Pun Gents, I need a good Valentine’s pun that has to do with spiders. Something original (nothing about a love bug please!) and punny. And nothing that says ‘I love you’ in it. Thanks. ~Tori, Seattle, WA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Happy Venomtine’s Day - You’re such a wonderful poison
2. Can you believe we met on the web?
3. [Black widow to mate]: I met my last husband on the web
4. When I saw your legs - I eight them up
5. How time flies [fly stuck on spiderweb]
6. Weave come a long way.

Dear Pun Gents, my boyfriend loves puns. I want to show him how clever *I* can  be on Valentine’s Day. I need a pun that will blow him away. He is studying physics and computer science. And ever since he was a little boy he has wanted to be a pirate. HELP!? ~Anna, Boston

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. I hope to give you ‘Max Planck’ on Valentine’s Day
2. How does a pirate measure the area of a circle? Pi arrgh squared.
3. OOP I did it again.
4. Compared to you, everyone else is barely a C+
5. You never Bohr me.
6. I could go for a jolly rogering
7. BONUS - Why was Blackbeard upset when he had to go to the bathroom? Because a pirate without p is irate.

Dear Pun Gents, I need puns incorporating hippos and current pop songs. Thank you! ~Karen, Seattle, WA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Just the Way You Artiodactyl
2. Back to De-Semi-Aquatic
3. Felt Good on My Hippos
4. What’s uglier than a hippo? A Rihannaceros.

Dear Pun Gents, we’re starting a charity bowling league that supports breast cancer. It’s a four man team and we are struggling to find a name. Any ideas? ~Thomas, Conroe, TX

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Spare our Breasts
2. Balls for Breasts
3. Pin Down Girls
4. Strike Out Breast Cancer
5. Alley McBalls

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a tattoo shop business name. ~Jason, Coplay, PA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Tattanium
2. Henna Barbarians
3. Bawdy Art
4. Brandy’s
5. Ned’s Needles
6. Scar Faces

Dear Pun Gents, I need a team name that has something to do with wine. Our colors are red and white, hence the wine idea. It’s for work, so it needs to be clean-ish. ~Frances, Charleston, SC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Riesling to the Challenge
2. The All Time Grapes
3. Barrelly Alive
4. In It to Wine It

Dear Pun Gents, a pun about yoga. ~Christina, Wayne, NJ

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Welcome Om
2. The Love Chakra
3. Hell Hatha No Fury
4. Dude, Where’s My Karma?
5. Man to Mantra

Dear Pun Gents, I’m running an Irish 5k and need a funny Irish team name for about 5 or 6 girls. ~Whitney, De Pere, WI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. O’Galleys
2. The Blar Knees
3. Liffey Is Short
4. Guinesscologists
5. The Irish Race

Dear Pun Gents, I would also (please!) like a roller derby name for myself. I’d like a powerful/mean one that pertains to DNA (I’m a DNA analyst). Thank you! ~Kiersten, Orlando, FL

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Mean Jean
2. Helix on Wheels
3. Shelix
4. Broken Ribos
5. DNA, Princess of Wails

Dear Pun Gents, We are forming a curling team with a bunch of fun folks. One of the team names is ‘We Swept With Your Wife.’ There are girls and boys and a lot of music lovers. But I’m not a fan of ‘Rolling Stones’ as a name. We often refer to people as savages and could use that in the name. ~Heather, Saint John, NB

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Bonspiel Jovi
2. BRush
3. Curler me Badd
4. Die! Mannequins
5. Turn Around Bright Ice
6. Rink Ho Starrs
7. Broom Broom Pow
8. Baby Got Tap Back
9. Big Wrecked Shot
10. Savagenesis

Dear Pun Gents, I and three others are participating in the Beer Olympics. I need a team name related to drinking. Thanks! ~Sarah, Sheperdstown

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Stout Your Engines
2. Beeronimo!
3. We’re No Lagereds
4. Head of the Competition
5. Race Your Glass

Dear Pun Gents, I’m doing a charity for the Special Olympics; I’m gonna jump in a frozen lake. I need a team name. Something with “goal” in it. ~Tiffany, Belleville, MI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Polar Bare Skins
2. Goal Disoriented
3. Brrrainiacs
4. It’s So Goaled!
5. Freezes Pieces

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun or slogan for a sports launch at school, advertising the different sports available. We are advertising indoor hockey (similar to field hockey), which is girls-only at this particular school. Thanks! ~Robin, Cape Town

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Stick With It
2. The Netter, the Better
3. Do the Hockey Puckey
4. We Work at Shooters

Dear Pun Gents, I’m doing a report on a credit union, and the theme is Social Networking. I need puns for the title — something about money or social networking or both. The institution’s name is Meridia. Thank you! ~Samantha, Buffalo, NY

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Social Net Worth
2. Good ship Meridia crashes into a Zuckerberg
3. The Meridia ['the mere idea'] of it is shocking…
4. Facebook splits the ATM

Dear Pun Gents, I need a roller derby name. My last name has “brat” in it and I like all things nerdy. A science-y name would be awesome. I also rock climb, so climber-slang like flash or bomber. 80s cartoons and punk references are also good for me. ~Amy, Vancouver

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Bratzooka Jo
2. Nerdzerker
3. My Little Pwnage
4. Heel on Wheels
5. Flashed Kiss
6. Barracuda O’Bomber

Dear Pun Gents, our church is presenting a seminar on holistic fitness which would include the physical, emotional and spiritual. We would like a catchy title for the event. ~Ron, Toronto (long-time fan)

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Drop and Give Me Twenty Hail Maries
2. Soular Power
3. Shake Psalm Action
4. Squat Would Jesus Do?

Dear Pun Gents, I am looking for a good slogan for an all-boys ski weekend in Colorado. ~Jennifer, Longmont, CO

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Slushauge Party
2. Chute to Kill
3. Bros Before Froze
4. Moguys
5. Telemarking List
6. Windchillaxin’
7. Hypospermia

Dear Pun Gents, I work at a paper and we need a funny pun for a Valentine’s Day Gift Guide section. ~Beth, Madison, GA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. St. Value-ntine? [ok that's horrible]
2. Febulous Buys
3. Such low prices: How CUPID can we get?
4. Sweetheart Deals
5. Make sure he wraps his package!

Dear Pun Gents, I need a team name for a charity treasure hunt. The themes are rabbits, film noir, and sleuthing in general. ~John, San Francisco (long-time fan)

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Noir Where To Go
2. Sleutheran Ministers
3. The Hunt for Red Schlocktober
4. Hare Krishnas

Dear Pun Gents, I need team name ideas for a charity walk for babies born prematurely (March of Dimes). We’re walking in memory of my son Gabriel and in honor of others. Thank you! ~Audra, Allen, TX

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Premi-mums
2. The Toddler Waddlers
3. The Gabe Pride Parade
4. Baby Walk
5. Tinysty

Dear Pun Gents, I am starting a string of liquor stores and need a name and possibly a slogan. ~Ed, Kenosha, WI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Boozooka Joe’s
2. Tickety Booze
3. Al’s Cohality Liquor
4. Winers: We are the Champagnes!
5. Two-Four/7 [Beer store]
6. Glass Sippers
7. Subourbon

Dear Pun Gents, something about freedom of religion I can use in a skit (eg for ‘peaceful assembly’, a kid making a lego sculpture) ~Aiedail, Livonia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Rapper: Christ Cross
2. Buddha Man [Boo the Man]
3. Old people who’ve had joint replacement surgery enjoy freedom of wors hips
4. Bible? In this country you can buy whatever bull you choose.
5. Those who practice religious oppression will get a few pious in the face.
6. Hindu what you want

Dear Pun Gents, I home-brew beer and I’m looking to create a ‘patron saint of beer’ for a logo. Something along the lines of my old favorite: “Patron Saint of Fireworks: St. Mary IgniteUs. (you can use that one) ~Ernest, Worcester, MA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. St. Brewno
2. St. Al Cahal
3. St. Maximus Buzzinski
4. St. Ibeerius
5. St. Inebrius Di Still
6. St. Stoutus
7. St. Hopsgood
8. Thomas A-wine-us - The saint with an ale’o

Dear Pun Gents, I am writing a news article on the story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin for both a tabloid and a broadsheet but I dont know what the two headlines should be, please could you help me with some clever puns? ~Greg, London, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Plague it Again, Sam
2. On a Fluting Spree
3. Rattaboy!
4. The Verminator
5. He Just Rodent To Town…
6. Now Appearing on Kids Row

Dear Pun Gents,  I am writing an article for our church newsletter about being thankful in spite of adversity and need a title for the article. ~Tuan, Honolulu (long-time fan)

Dear Pun Gents, I’m making a movie poster for an art history class on early Netherlandish paintings and I’m trying to crack a joke about the ‘mystic marriage’ of St. Catherine to the baby Jesus. HELP! What would make a funny title? ~Leslie, Baton Rouge, LA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. My How He’s Groom!
2. J.C. and the Pious Cats
3. Saviour the Date!

Dear Pun Gents, we need a beach house name in Kure (pronounced ‘curry’) Beach, North Carolina. Owners in medical field, house aqua-colored. Looking for something clever but not pretentious or dirty.  ”A Shore Cure” or Seas the Day? Can’t we do better? ~Carrie, Raleigh, NC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Don’t Kure, Beach Happy
2. Carolina on the Beach
3. Sun Thing Special
4. Kure Patience
5. Aquazy House
6. Sand from Heaven
7. Smile and Wave
8. Kure-B Your Enthusiasm
9. Perfect Tans
10. Tidyllic
11. Tidal Pleasures

Dear Pun Gents, our company is having a Pictionary contest, and we’d like a punny name to cover four ladies who can’t draw! ~Shari, Romeoville,IL

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Charade-Donnay
2. Pic Lasso
3. Scribblers on the Roof
4. Charaded Wit
5. Slim Pictions

Dear Pun Gents, we need a team name for a music-themed wine tasting and quiz. Team names are to include rock/music star/act and possibly be related to wine. We are three girls and one guy - please help! ~Catherine, Aberdeen, Scotland

1. Death Cabernet for Cutie
2. House of the Riesling Sun
3. All Time Best Cellars
4. Chordannay
5. April Wine
6. Port-ishead
7. Brandy
8. Glassic Rock
9. We are the Champagnes
10. We’re Hardcork

Dear Pun Gents, see what you can do with Manchester; namely the M’C'R. I’ve already exhausted the emcee’s are puns …anyways hope to hear from you soon. ~Ed, Glucoseville

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. I M C R ious!
2. An odd fellow grew breasts and then fused them together. He played for Man-Chesty United.
3. I am blind when it comes to women. I’m a man seer.

Dear Pun Gents, I need a headline for an article I’m writing for our church newsletter—about new members who will be inducted into the church upon completion of membership classes. ~Tuan, Honolulu, HI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. We’ll be enjoying some wine and Jesus.
2. We hope you find Yahweh around.
3. Want some pastor and meets us?
4. Flock up your daughters!