sports

The gangland baseball star established a huge mafia umpire. Of course, he won’t say a word about his past hits: He follows the code of homerta, and brushes off all allegations as baseless. But he has been seen patrolling the alleys, and out of left field, he takes a swing at the pitcher. ‘Don’t try to put one past a man with three balls,’ he gloats. Despite facing the heat for two controversial strikes–and repeatedly ending up in foul territory–he ends up walking. Of course, the other guys balk. The next inning he decides to stick a cap on a fan. This time the hard liners get to him. So he winds up in the pen. Before, he would feast on sliders, but now he kills time sacrificing flies and collecting booze tins on his mickey mantle. Some say he dabbles in CyYoungtology. During this short stop, he pulls off a deadly sidearm delivery. He rallies, ends up running all the bases, and despite being violently tagged, he makes it home, safe. The truth of the matter? You could ask the catcher, but the catcher knows squat.

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THE BICLOPS

Dear Pun Gents, My brother and I are cycling nearly 1000 miles from John O’Groats to Lands End. We’re doing it for a mental health charity, but we both have a sense of humour. We’re not small, both above 6ft4, so there’s some visual comedy in seeing two massive doofus’s pedal a push bike. We really need a team name that covers it all off. ~Andy, Chester, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT;

  1. United Kinkdom
  2. The Biclops
  3. The Cycle Ops
  4. One Thousand Miles Per Horror
  5. Distance Relatives
  6. Distant Relations
  7. The British Rural Family
  8. The Calf Lick Church
  9. Quad Erat Demonstrandum
  10. Derring Doofuses
  11. The Cy-clones [if you were twins]
  12. Men Tall Health
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ONE TREK MINDS

Dear Pun Gents, My wife and I are entering in an 8 hour adventure race and need some help with a team name. The race is put on by 361 degrees and is apart of their Unbridled Adventure Race Series. Any help is appreciated. ~Matt, New Haven, IN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Give me a Race, Boss
  2. You Trek Me, Baby
  3. Trek or Treat
  4. Adventure Capitalists
  5. Unbridle and Groom
  6. Hour Big Adventure
  7. Kentucky Fired Up Chickens
  8. We 8 Hour Breakfast!
  9. One Trek Minds
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BEVERLEY BONECRUSHER

Dear Pun Gents,

I really need a Roller Derby name ASAP. I’m new to derby. Anything to do with my name is cool or just something clever. I’m super into Star Wars/Trek/LOTR and reading. I’m a barista on the side and play ultimate frisbee too. ~Kim Waybright, Charleston, SC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Millenium Falc Kim
  2. LOTR REY
  3. Falcon Dangerous
  4. Rey Anna
  5. AKimbo
  6. The Way Kim Dead
  7. Reyzor
  8. Darth Waybright
  9. The Cutest of Borg
  10. Menage a Troi
  11. Kim Il Skate
  12. Sauron Grapes
  13. Beverley BoneCrusher
  14. Wins A Latte
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EITHER OAR

Dear Pun Gents,

My husband and I are thinking about starting a business and I’m hoping you can help us with a name.

We’re looking at being a paddle sports outfitter. Thinking canoes, kayaks and paddle board rental and guide service. Looking to do fishing as well. We also want to offer services in the winter like ice fishing, ice skating and snowshoeing.

We’re located in northern Minnesota in a smaller town, Bemidji. We’re known for our gigantic Paul and Babe statues and for being ‘the first city on the Mississippi River’. Our place is located on Lake Irving and on the Mississippi.

We’ve also thought about offering courses like an ‘outdoor school’

Ideas?

Thanks, so much, in advance!

~Tonya, Bemidji, MN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Either Oar
  2. Paddletude
  3. Strokelahoma
  4. Outdoorable
  5. Out and Fit
  6. Canoogle
  7. Take a Kayak [Take a hike]
  8. Boat and Sold
  9. Fun-to-Rentalism
  10. Paddle Springs Outfitters
  11. Minnie Miss Outfitters
  12. Go with the Float
  13. Where the Mississippi Floats
  14. Buoy Meets Miss (or Buoy Meets Babe)
  15. Babe’s Buoy
  16. Swing and a Miss Outfitters
  17. Go with the Flow
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MULTIPLE SCLEROADIES

Dear Pun Gents, I need an MS Bike Team Name. Key words: Greg, Lutzen, Wisconsin, Diverse Group, Amateurs, Finish, Prevail, Multiple Sclerosis, Cycling, Team, Bike Ride. ~Kamala, Arlington Heights

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Rode to Victory
  2. Nothing to Lutzen
  3. Wishconsin
  4. Gregorian Chains
  5. Amatouring
  6. Amatours
  7. Amatour Hour
  8. MSaries
  9. EFF MS
  10. MS Messenger
  11. Sclero Heros
  12. Scleroadies
  13. Multiple Scleroadies
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SHEREE KIRI

Dear Pun Gents, I am in need of a roller derby name please. I’d love a kickass, badass name. I’m a mum and I love my wine and food. Some say I can be scary. Cheers. ~Sheree, Perth, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. The Shereeker
  2. Drinking Sheree (sherry)
  3. Sheree Poppins (cherry poppings)
  4. Black Sheree
  5. Sheree Movie
  6. Sheree Kiri / Shari Kiri
  7. Sheredder
  8. She Red
  9. Perth Snatcher
  10. Wino-Ma Ryder
  11. Matriarch Enemy
  12. Gina Rollerbrigida
  13. Eatith My Dust
  14. Merlots Lane
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LARAINE IN PAIN

Dear Pun Gents, I’m trying to find an awesome roller derby name. Help! My name is Laraine, nickname Rainey. I am a nurse, a mom, and a holy roller. ~Laraine, Bay Village
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT
  1. LaRaine in Pain [play on ‘The Rain in Spain’]
  2. Rainey of Terror
  3. Nurse Vana [‘Nirvana’]
  4. All Terror Raine Vehicle
  5. Mount Raineyer
  6. Derby Diapers
  7. Grilled Jesus
  8. The Mamafier (mummifier)
  9. Rainey Deity
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ENDO THE LINE

Dear Pun Gents, I need help with a team name. We are entering a four-man team in a 24-hour mountain bike race. We are entering the team in the over forties category. ~Mathew, Dubbo
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
  1. Gearonimo
  2. Two-Four The Road
  3. Bonkologists
  4. Spins and Wheedles
  5. Get Forty [Get Shorty]
  6. Fogey Weather
  7. Hillrazers [Hellraiser]
  8. Be spoke styles
  9. The painful quad
  10. Deraill trails
  11. The Hemano groupo (Shimano grouppo)
  12. The Dirt Digglers
  13. The French rabbits (lapin’s)
  14. MTBeer cans
  15. Four guys looking for a bonk
  16. Endo the line
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