My financial advisor warned me about Varsol. He said if I went near it I’d end upĀ in solvent.
Do prostitutes look up clients on quickipedia?
Keep Andrew Carnegie away from your fridge! He is a steal magnet.
NED: I got into an argument with a midget today.
ED: Really?
NED: Yeah, we just didn’t see thigh-to-eye.
Why did the Italian dictator attack his son’s babysitter and take her wallet?
Because he wanted to be seen behaving mug-nanny-Mussolini! (magnanimously – needs to be read aloud)
I’m sick of vegans interrogating me about my eating habits. It’s like the Spinach Inquisition!
A public toilet, aka an IP address.
Heinz recently improved the recipe for its tomato sauce. The rest of the industry was left playing ketchup.
In a weird mixup, I rented a portapottie to watch my kids, because Sean Connery told me to “hire a shitter.“
Halloween gives you cancer–if you wear a cos’tume.