Unlike the Titanic, the new iOS software has rendered all my devices unsyncable.
I used to put wine in my corn flakes. Then they arrested me on account of I was a cereal grapist.
Will we ever make Libya puns? I Gaddhafi-ling we will.
Exactly why am I a dessert chef? Cuz, I get a big cake out of it.
What did the swine flu say to the seasonal flu? H1, N1ce to meet you!
Any country that obeys seatbelt laws is an object of my fasten nation.
Trump’s trying to force a new one-sided trade deal on Canada and Mexico, aka HAFTA.
When the rain fell on our heads it was like glorious piss. So I quoted Shakespeare, saying “The sky is a most excellent can o’ pee.”
Manhole covers sewer are grate!
NED: My lawyer works for me, pro bono…
ED: Really!? Why, that’s fee-nominal!