My friend William moved to Ireland, and now he’s a Billy in Eire.
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I don’t like rich people. Buncha swankers.
Anyone who swallows his tongue is guilty of ate speech.
Have you ever seen drunk rabbits on stage? It’s a very hop-erratic performance.
What do millennials say on Hallowe’en?
“Trigger treat!“
Which politician claimed he could spin gold out of nothing, and got upset when reporters called him names?
A: Trumpelstiltskin.
Don’t jibba-jibba at me with that onion breath, you rap scallion!
Buying three dozen head of cattle nearly wiped me out. Then I bought four more. I really need forty bull housing.
Never rush a decapitation. You don’t want to get a head of yourself.
A lynch mob chased after a flatulent Thomas Hardy, an incident which inspired his great novel, Fart From the Madding Crowd.